Though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, I'm giving into something heavenly--something Heavenly. Time to face love, clean this old house, time to breathe in and let everything out that I've wanted to say so manny years; time to release all my held back tears. Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos; now I can see this is something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly--something Heavenly.
Today was Friday, so our family had Bible study using Chinese versions of the Bible! ^^ It was fun. During lunch today, Chinese Club and International Club fused together to have a little sample-tasting experience of food from various countries. Jacqueline, Linda, and I just pretty much stayed there, making 汤圆 (tang yuan--rice balls?) with the mix Katherine had made ahead of time, to drop into the bubbling pot<---reminds me of!!
DOUBLE DOUBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE
FIRE BURN AND CAULDRON BUBBLE.
Neeehahahaha *witch laugh* =P Yuup. Anyway, I have to complete two more essays for the UCLA Alumni Scholarship by the 18th of February...which means that I must work on them tonight, because Snow Retreat is from the 14th to the 17th of February. Yuup. And then, when I get back, I plan to use that day to doublecheck that application and check my email, to make sure that my teacher recommendation letters are in! ^^ At least they're not lame specific questions like those of PG&E. I think I pretty much gave upon on ever completing that--it's just too much to expect from me. ><"
So!! I'm really excited to journal about Snow Retreat now, and I think I'm going to be like Lisa during Mexico and force myself to keep a record EVERY DAY, because my mom bought me two new notebooks! =DD Soo pretty. ^^ I hope these notebooks will provide enough of a positive incentive for me to change my behavior in not making daily logs of my days during trips. I just want to really ba zhe ge "Snow Retreat" jiao tuo zai shuo, fang xin wu you"...like All-State Insurance. "You're in good hands." Yes, we are! We are in God's hands...and so is snow Retreat. Snow Retreat...no matter what we do, God will meet us there if He feels it is the best thing to do. GOODNESS, there is an OVERWHELMING amount of spiritual warfare going on. Out of the around five people whom I instant-messaged, all five were experience some kind of negative vibe--and not just like "I feel sad," or something. They were all sensing spiritual warfare. If there is this much spiritual warfare BEFORE the actual retreat, man am I excited to see what You have in store for us DURING the retreat!! Right now, I'm feeling pretty detached from God and attached to the world. Argh. I'm so weedy it's ridiculous. I need to learn to let go of my fleshly desires...oh yeah, and after I do that, maybe then I'll actually cease to procrastinate on homework...or something. Hopefully? I don't know. Anyway, so much to pray for...I need to bring my prayer request book.
On another note, I seem to have misplaced my camera cable... >.< I kind of need that to import pictures so I can take more of them during snow retreat !! Hmm...ooh yay! Found it! =D Okay just imported 159 of 159 pictures. Nice. I was seriously im-ing like everyone I thought who could pray for snow retreat, and I really pray that this prayer cover will be enough to hold back all of this spiritual warfare that has been going on. I want this snow retreat to be focused on You and only You. Lord, peel my eyes away from whatever is keeping any of us from being fully devoted to You. Lord, open our eyes--reveal to us how great You are--how great of a God You are. I want to see You. I want to see Your face. I want to know You more. Yes, Lord, block away all of this weedy yucky stuff and let my everything be for You--let my everything bring glory only to You, for You are the only one who deserves it. It says in Proverbs 28:...uhm, 18? Not sure... 称唱敬为的, argh. Uhm...just like blessed is the man who fears the Lord, for he will be prosperous. The man who hardens his heart shall reap trouble. Something like that. God, help us fear You. Help us to respect You for who You are and what You've done, Lord, because it's really not about us; it's about You. Thank You. Thank God.
Anyway, so one of the people with whom I talked to about this was Angeline Yen, and she suggested that I just flip through the Bible, then close my eyes, and spend some time with You in prayer...I add "and meditation." I think I shall do that. After all, You deserve no less--You deserve MUCH more.
I lay down Snow Retreat at your feet now. never to be picked up again, because I trust You. God, I trust Romans 8:28--that you WILL indeed work out everything that happens during Snow Retreat for the good of we who love You. Thank You for Your promises, for Your love, for Your son. Help me to make that sacrifice worthwhile. I want to live my life in a way that is most glorifying to Your Holy and Precious name.
~your trytobe humble servant child, PraiseyetheLord